For The Ones Who Don’t Feel Like Themselves Right Now
It’s ok that you don’t feel like yourself right now.
It’s ok that you have worn that sweatshirt one too many times this week, and that dry shampoo has become your best friend — and not in the cute, trendy, I’m an Instagram blogger who’s teaching you how to keep your blowout kind of way, but rather the I’m too tired get in the shower kind of way.
It’s ok that you want to scream one minute and that you want to cry the next and that the next minute after that, you’re probably laughing at a silly meme that your friend sent you. Or maybe you’re laughing at the insanity of it all. Or perhaps you’re laughing because your life feels completely unhinged. Or maybe you never really liked the movie Groundhog Day, and now, well, that hits dangerously close to home.
It’s ok that you are usually an upbeat person, and yet, you can’t seem to shake the despair. It’s ok that you’re having trouble finding the positivity in this, and that silver linings have seemed to disappear amidst the chaos. It’s ok if your anger and your hurt are overshadowing your positivity at the moment.
It’s ok that the things you’d usually let roll off of your shoulders stick to your soul like glue.
It’s ok that you wear worry and fear in addition to your sweats.
Right now, there’s a global pandemic happening — so it’s ok that you don’t feel like yourself right now.
Right now, there are doctors and nurses and hospital workers who show up to work, not knowing what despair waits for them inside the hospital.
Right now, there are grocery store workers who are tired and scared and still manage to have patience when you complain to them about the store not having enough eggs, or chicken, or toilet paper.
It’s that you don’t feel like yourself right now.
Right now, children are home when they should be at school. Parents are trying to juggle whatever work they have left, and keep their kids reading at least thirty minutes a day, and still manage to put something healthy in their bellies — all while trying to maintain their own sanity in the process.
It’s that you don’t feel like yourself right now.
Right now, you’re alone in your home. And while that’s typically not a big deal — you are suddenly missing human connection. You’re missing your family, your coworkers, your best friends. You’re wondering what would’ve happened if you had been able to go out on that date before the world shut down. Maybe you wish you had someone to cuddle with, or hug, or rub your feet while you watch Netflix on the couch. Perhaps you miss the sounds of laughter emanating from someone sitting across the table from you instead of a screen. You know everyone is dealing with the loneliness of isolation together, and yet, knowing that doesn’t take the overwhelming feeling of loneliness away.
It’s ok that you don’t feel like yourself right now.
Right now, people are fighting for their lives in ICU’s across the globe.
Right now, people are mourning the ones we’ve lost — without the ability to gather and embrace.
Right now, we’re all scared — and fear will make you feel uneasy. It can cling to your spirit and press upon your heart and whisper the worst things that your imagination can come up with until all hours of the night.
Fear can haunt your dreams and your waking moments and make you feel as if a tiny elephant is stepping on your chest that makes it hard to breathe.
Fear is unpleasant — and it can, and will, disrupt your usual way of being and living and thinking and feeling.
Right now, you don’t feel like yourself — because right now, you’re afraid.
Feel your fear, but please don’t feed it — and yes, there is a difference between the two.
Feeling your fear looks like acknowledging the insanity that’s happening outside your window. It looks like not beating yourself up for indulging in a glass of wine or a cookie or whatever candy is still sitting your pantry — but not making that a daily habit. Feeling your fear looks like saying that you’re not ok when you’re, in fact, not ok. You don’t need to lie for anyone. You don’t need to lie to yourself — either.
Feeling your fear will make you feel as if you’re not yourself right now — and you know what, you’re not.
You’re not yourself right now — and that’s ok.
